-- Chatter --
As you know I've been on this personal journey the last half-dozen years or so and found myself going back to the basics. In keeping with my personal journey I thought it would be an opportunity to share my experiences while going back to those basics with a series of posts... starting today.
If you refer to a couple posts ago you'll see a very brief overview of the events we've encountered, and how that led to a road of getting "lost in the darkness".
There is a song lyric from the band Rush that goes something like: "All of us get lost in the Darkness. Turn around, turn around and turn around... turn around and walk the razor's edge, turn around but don't slam the door on me." For me, the word "darkness" is a perfect analogy for those challenging times in life where you feel a bit lost, vulnerable, ill at ease and how this affects those around us.
Similarly, another song that was once released through a band hubby Dave was involved in goes something like: "Sometimes you have to feel your way, like a blind man on a city street. Sometimes the words you cannot say, are the ones that will set you free."
Today as I start this series of intimate posts I keep hearing those lyrics in my head - I do believe that we all get lost in that darkness, walking a razor edge, feeling our way and stumbling often. Those are the times we need to be gentle with ourselves the most. Those times are when we need the most understanding and space from those around us, space to grieve over some loss or process an experience the way we need to.
Luckily I have 3 of the best support systems in my life - husband Dave, friends Christina and Julie. I have others, but these are the 3 I turn to the most. So - a note of appreciation to them.
First 3 experiences
I think the first thing that I needed to do when I decided enough was enough, that I had to look after myself, was to forgive myself for feelings and reactions. To let go of shame or guilt over feelings, to realize they are natural, normal feelings to experience.
The second thing I needed to accept was an old saying I learned many years ago: "Be patient with yourself, be patient with the process." Instead of getting upset that this was taking too long, or wondering how I could feel this way, etc. - taking a step back, saying to yourself over and over "be patient, this too will pass".
The third thing I had to remind myself is that no one person can be 100% of everything to themselves or for others, to expect 100% is totally unrealistic and it is OK to be human. You could look at this in business as: in order to accomplish the steps to the next goal I have to sacrifice hours of my time in other areas, which will feel neglected and incomplete, and determine if I can be OK with that. In a relationship you might see it as: Hubby has a golfing friend because the wife doesn't like that activity, but his need is filled through someone else.
These are over simplified examples of course, but these are the first 3 areas I travelled through in my recent journey. While I learned these many years ago, it was something I had to relearn, remember, digest and practice. Join me as I share similar posts in this series over the next few weeks.